Short Talks & Long Thoughts
by thewhitejackal
Summary: Rule 63 Literati (AU). A snapshot into the lives of Jess Mariano and Rory Gilmore. Set in episode 3.08, "Let the Games Begin."


**A/N : Hola, ladies & gents! So here's a little thingy that's been bouncing around in my head since I stared re-watching _Gilmore Girls_. To be honest, I'm obsessed with anything genderbent, but this is particularly fun for me. If this goes over well, I might do a full story with genderbent Literati/ _Gilmore Girls_. Fun times may be had by all. Anyway, enjoy this little one-shot thingy. Reviews are appreciated, of course. Also, I don't own _Gilmore Girls_. **

* * *

"What exactly do you think I'm gonna do to him?"

"You're not gonna do anything to him, you understand me? Because if you are at his house, Lorelai will be there. And if you're here, I will be there. And if you're outside, the whole _town_ will be there with stones in hand should you dare to even _glance_ at Rory the wrong way." Jess rolled her eyes. "Hey." Luke pointed across the table at her, leaning closer. "I'm serious. I love that kid like he's my own, got it? If you even _think_ you might hurt him—"

"I'm not gonna hurt him, okay?" Eyes wide with irritation and face flushed with annoyance, Jess finally snapped. "He's not some china doll, alright? Rory's a big boy, and he can take care of himself without everyone in the whole damn town actin' like I've come to steal the virtue of Stars Hollow's patron saint! I didn't _force_ him to ask me out, and I'm not _forcin'_ him to stay with me."

Jess didn't talk much. She'd never really seen the point in it—not with most people. But when she got started, she could hang in there with the best of them. Luke was the same way. He'd said more words to her about Rory in the last two minutes than he had in the last two days combined. And they shared an apartment. A _tiny_ apartment, even with the new addition. Just showed how much he loved Rory. Lorelai, too. She'd probably jump all over him if she heard him talking to Jess like he was.

Compared to the noise before, things got pretty quiet now. Luke just stared at her, and Jess crossed her arms over her chest and studied the worn wood of the kitchen table. The diner sounded a thousand miles away downstairs. Probably because everyone in the damn place had stopped whatever they were doing to hear the latest episode of "The Jess and Luke Show." That's what Rory called their _expressive disagreements_ once. Jess and Luke had "disappeared" upstairs to "discuss" the lack of coffee brewed that morning—Jess's fault, of course—and when they came back down respectively huffed—Luke growling and red, Jess silent and sulky—Rory had laughed at the counter.

"Somethin' funny?" Jess tried to stay serious, but she couldn't fight the smirk. Those bright blue eyes, that perfect, easy smile… Rory was like a magnet for Jess. He was also one of the only people who had made her laugh and grin— _really_ laugh and grin, without an ounce of sarcasm or trace of irony—in ten years.

"'The Jess and Luke Show.' Tune in every morning, afternoon, and evening on most weekdays and weekends for your daily dramatic and comedic fix."

"Co-starring the nosy caffeine addict." She kept smirking and refilled Rory's mug. She switched on the brewer, and Luke threw up his hands across the diner, muttering under his breath about Jess doing things in her own sweet time no matter what. That made Jess smirk even more. She liked pushing Luke's buttons about the little things. He _noticed_ the little things she did or didn't do, said or didn't say. It was… nice. Also made life in Stars Hollow a little less excruciating. So did Rory and that laugh of his as he held out a bag of gummy worms across the counter.

"But he always comes bearing gifts, so his prying presence is tolerated."

Rory was way more than _tolerated_ by Jess. He was one of the only people to even look at Jess like… Well, just _look_ at her. Really look at her. Rory was one of those people who saw the good in everyone, but Jess still valued his opinion. Especially his opinion of her, even if she didn't buy into his optimism all the time. Like that night in his car when he asked her about college and said she was smart. Luke talked about college, but he'd never asked Jess about plans—not seriously, anyway. And he didn't know about the potential lurking in Jess's astoundingly high, ridiculously secret, IQ. Liz never even mentioned college. Not once. She didn't even notice Jess liked reading until she tripped over the books piled and stacked on every surface of her only child's bedroom floor. Hearing Rory talk about the future made it sound like something Jess could actually be part of, even if it wasn't at some Ivy League school like Rory. He made her hope in things.

That was why she'd come back to town after the accident and wretched, lonely, stupid weeks back in New York. That impromptu visit, that simple explanation when he left ("You didn't say goodbye.") woke up all those pieces of Jess she'd forgotten about, all those dark corners and scarred lines of her heart that had been frozen over before meeting Rory and moving in with Luke and living in ridiculous, awful, wonderful Stars Hollow. And Jess hoped, and she left. She hopped on a bus, scribbling a note for Liz and grabbing what little she had in the apartment. A couple of hours later, and she was home.

And they'd kissed. Rory'd kissed her standing beside that lake in that suit while Ella's voice wafted over everyone and everything nearby. Then he'd left for Washington, and Jess hadn't heard a word from Rory all summer. She thought about writing or calling a thousand times, but she stopped herself every time she reached for the phone or stopped at the post office. He'd asked her not to say anything about the kiss, and he'd done the kissing. And there was only so much hoping Jess could do.

That was when Shane came into the picture. He was blonde and gorgeous and stupid. Just Jess's type from the old days. She always dated idiots. It was easier that way, and he was right there, free every other weekday—he had summer school, surprise to no one—and every night. He was a nice distraction. But when things got quiet—the stereo was cranked even louder that summer, despite Luke's grumbling protestations—or whenever Jess picked up a new book or one she'd heard Rory mention or seen him reading… She was a goner all over again.

She acted like it didn't bother her when Rory came back—she acted like she didn't even notice. But of course she did. Gorgeous Dee, the fantastic and perfect girlfriend, hung all over Rory just like before, just like nothing had changed. And so Jess did her best to act like nothing had changed in her. But everything had changed. Everyone in town knew it, too. And after a couple months of stupidity and agony, Rory and Jess got their changes aligned.

For the first time in her life, Jess was in a real relationship. One where she looked forward to hearing the guy talk, not cringed whenever silence offered the asshole an opportunity to regale her with his mediocre opinions about mediocre subjects. One where the little things were even more important than the attraction bit—though there was no shortage of that, at least on Jess's end. And one where she actually wanted the whole couple thing to stick. And so they'd been taking it slow, her and Rory. No one really knew they were legitimately _together_ —though everyone suspected after Dee's explosive meltdown at the dance marathon—except Lorelai. And now Luke, since he'd caught them trying to engage in the first real physical interaction they'd had since getting together.

He drew in a deep breath through his nose, planting his hands on his hips and looking down at the floor. Jess watched him in silence. The only sound was the shuffling of Luke's feet, until he looked up and started talking again, taking a seat beside Jess at the table.

"You're serious about him." It wasn't a question, and that little bit of faith in her sent waves of relief and gratitude over Jess. She nodded.

"Yeah, I am."

It was Luke's turn to nod. "And he's serious about you."

"Far as I know," Jess said.

"This… thing between you two—it's real."

Jess couldn't help smiling a little, nodding and staring down at her hands. "Yeah."

There was a long pause. "Okay," Luke said. He was kind of smiling, too.

* * *

Rory's stomach was still in his throat. His lungs were burning, too, but he kept running. His backpack was beating the crap out of him, _Hard Times_ and _Bleak House_ warring to see who could bruise him the most as he sprinted home. Taylor hollered something after him about crosswalks and public safety, but Rory was too crazed and exhilarated and terrified to apologize or even acknowledge the admonishment. He couldn't stop when the car almost hit him, couldn't slow down when Mrs. Kim shouted at him for cutting through the wrong section of her lawn.

"Sorry, Mrs. Kim!" Rory wondered if she knew what he was saying, him being all breathless and flustered. Physical exertion was almost entirely foreign to him. So was the manic pounding of his heart and squeamish turning of his stomach and crazed burning of his cheeks.

He tripped twice in the driveway, and he skipped the steps altogether when he got home. He ran into the door before he thought to turn the handle, adding a sore shoulder to the list of aches—war wounds of the flight from Luke's.

"Mom!" Rory's voice had gone from raspy and strained to louder than usual in seconds. He tore at his tie, panicking when the stupid thing wouldn't loosen fast enough. "Mama!" If she wasn't home, Rory didn't know what he'd do. Thankfully, he smelled coffee and heard his mother after a few moments of breathless terror.

"Rory? You okay?" Lorelai came jogging from the kitchen. She didn't have her shoes off yet. Probably just beaten Rory home from Luke's.

"I almost kissed her."

Lorelai raised her eyebrows. "Jess?"

"Yes, Jess!"

"Your _girlfriend_ , that Jess?"

"Yes, _that_ Jess! Do we know any other girls named Jess?"

Lorelai laughed. "I'm sorry, kid. I'm just not seeing the big deal about this."

"Not seeing the 'big deal'?" Rory's eyes widened, and he started pacing in the living room. His tie was still being stubborn, and the Chilton sweater-vest wasn't helping his panic lessen either by suddenly possessing buttons that were impossible to unbutton. "We almost kissed! How is that not a big deal?"

"Because she's your girlfriend?"

" _New_ girlfriend," Rory said, turning around to face his mother. "Jess is my _new_ girlfriend. We've only been together a couple of days. All this 'first' crap is crazy important right now."

"Babe, you already had your first kiss with Jess." Lorelai stopped Rory's manic struggle with the sweater-vest and unbuttoned the thing slowly for him. "Remember?"

Rory shook his head. "That doesn't count."

Lorelai raised her eyebrows again. "Oh, it counts."

"But we weren't together then."

"Oh, honey," Lorelai said, laughing and shaking her head as she squeezed Rory's shoulders. "All that time before counts."

Rory's stomach did a flip. "All of it?"

Lorelai nodded. "All of it."

There was the nausea again. "But… But we weren't together then," he repeated, paling and sweating all over again.

"As much as I think Jess isn't the run-of-the-mill, wear-your-letterman-jacket-to-class, oh-baby-carry-my-books kind of girlfriend," Lorelai said, steering Rory to the couch with her arm around his shoulders, "she is still a girl. And that stuff's going to count with her. Trust me."

Rory stared ahead of him, mouth slightly agape and still trying to catch a bit of his breath. "So… she's probably wondering why I haven't just kissed her already?"

"Maybe," Lorelai answered, shrugging and smiling.

"I'm going to be sick…"

"But maybe _not_ ," Lorelai remedied, pulling Rory closer to her. She kissed his cheek and ran her hand through his hair. "She wasn't looking particularly at ease when I saw her around you earlier. Sometimes these things take time to get going."

This thing with Jess was the last thing Rory expected to be slow going. The feeling in his stomach when he was around her, the heat in every corner and muscle of his body when she looked at him, the way he itched to touch her when they sat close enough for him to smell her mint shampoo? All that was more intense and extreme and urgent and terrifying than anything he'd felt in two years with Dee. But Jess was different—she'd always been different—and kissing her and making everything real between them needed to be different. Rory didn't want to screw it up—he _couldn't_ , not now that things were finally working out between them. So he'd gotten scared and waited. Then they'd been up in Luke's apartment, and they'd been inches apart. Rory could see Jess closer and better than he'd ever seen her before, and _God_ , she was so pretty and close and scary. But he'd leaned in anyway, squeezing her hands tightly and pulling her towards him…

And then Luke opened the door, and Rory jumped back and let go like he'd been handling a leper. He thought Jess was scary, but he'd never been as terrified as in that moment with Luke standing there in the doorway and looking at him like _that_. And he'd bolted, half falling, half sprinting down the stairs, through the diner, out the door, and all the way home. Until now, when his mom was making him sit and be still and _think_.

"You don't have to start the… physical stuff right away if you don't want to." Lorelai was still rubbing Rory's shoulder. Part of him wondered if the comfort was for her as well as him. She didn't sound particularly thrilled about talking with her son about physical interactions with Jess Mariano. "There's nothing wrong with waiting. You just broke up with Dee. You need some time to—"

"I don't need some time." Rory didn't take his eyes off the coffee table. _Anna Karenina_ sat there half-opened, a sliver of an _Al's Pancake World_ napkin marking the reader's place.

"You were with Dee a long time, hon…" Lorelai stopped stroking Rory's shoulder, but she kept her arm around him. "All that stuff, all those feelings? They don't just go away."

Rory nodded. He didn't take his eyes off _Anna Karenina_. One of the pages was dog-eared. "I know that."

"Okay," Lorelai said slowly. She dropped her arm from his shoulders and shifted on the couch. She turned to face him, her blue eyes serious and her face wore the let's-get-down-to-business look. "Then I don't get the hold-up, kid. Do you just… not like Jess as much as you thought you did before?"

Rory shook his head. A little smile tugged at his lips. There were notes in _Anna_ 's margins. "No, that's not it."

"Are you having second thoughts about you and Dee then?"

He couldn't even get Dee to get past the fourth chapter of _Anna_. "No. No second thoughts."

"Hey." Lorelai grabbed one of Rory's hands, forcing him to look at her, not the book. She smiled softly and raised her eyebrows, encouraging him to talk. "Tell me what's up."

Rory waited a little while. The smile went away, but the flipping, breathless feelings did not. Eventually he shrugged, looking down at his and his mother's clasped hands on the couch cushion and picking at the fabric of his Chilton pants. "I'm scared."

"Oh, Rory, don't be scared," Lorelai said immediately. She brushed his hair back again. "Jess is never going to be able to do better than you, trust me—"

"This isn't about that." Rory interrupted. That familiar irritation pulled at him, but he didn't say anything about his mother's judgments of Jess. _Not the time_ , he told himself. "That's not why I'm scared. I don't care about that."

Lorelai frowned. "Okay. What's scaring you then?"

Rory laughed quietly, shaking his head and studying the navy of his trousers again. " _She_ scares me. Jess… She terrifies me." Lorelai didn't wear anything but concern when he looked at her again. "It's like… I don't know, I didn't know how much I wanted her. How much I wanted… _everything_ with her until Dee and I broke up. And now…" He laughed a little again, running a hand through his hair. "Now? All I can think about is how much I want her and all this and how much I want this to work."

Lorelai was quiet. Rory knew his mom didn't like Jess, but he could see in her eyes that she was trying, that she was making an effort for him. Because he was watching his mother watch him make sense of the crazy feelings swirling inside him that he knew were already akin to love towards a wild, brilliant, dark-haired, dark-eyed girl in an apartment above a diner.

"Wow," Lorelai finally said, smiling in a weird kind of way.

"What?"

Shaking her head, Lorelai kept that weird smile in place. "You're crazy about Jess. Aren't you?"

Rory took a deep breath then smiled. " _Nuts_."

"I'm not going to be able to talk you out of this one."

"Afraid not," Rory said, patting his mom's knee.

"Crazy's here to stay?" Rory couldn't tell whether his mother was talking about him or Jess. But the answer to either question was the same, and he couldn't fight the giddy grin.

"Definitely. Crazy's here to stay."


End file.
